I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
