I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
