So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
