If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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