barbara walters just said penis...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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