Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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