I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
