I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
