Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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