Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
