i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
