Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
