I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm passing your future prison.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
