What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
