did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
