she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
