I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
