just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
North Korea, Best Korea!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
