Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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