Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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