I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
