If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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