Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
