They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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