Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
