Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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