oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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