I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
