Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
