There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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