I just threw up on my dentist
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
