The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Even my vagina gasped.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
