I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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