it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
