final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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