yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
