Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
