The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
