8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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