please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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