He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
