Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
