i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
