Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
