Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
