My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
