haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
