We won't sleep together?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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