Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
