hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
