We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
