So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
