it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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