I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
