I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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